No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize