he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
