what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
