Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
