I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize