it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Terrible idea I love it
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
