it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
dude i'm inner monologue high
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
