she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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