I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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