I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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