I look better un-naked...
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
