please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
This couple is walking their pig around campus
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
There are leaves in my underwear?
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