i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
