is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i think my mom watched the whole time
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
