I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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