there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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