I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
