i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
