if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
