I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
