they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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