Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
