hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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