yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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