i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Panties = found
Randomize
