My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
My vagina is very pro this idea
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
