boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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