My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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