covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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