haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
the gays at disneyland are vicious
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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