I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
