exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
