do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
