new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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