i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Less talking, more tequila
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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