Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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