It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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