i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
