Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
