I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
