Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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