this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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