you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
