there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize