i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
one might say we're banned from that church
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
