happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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