Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize