I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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