Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
