I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize