I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
