porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
