i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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