Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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