I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
