saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
