So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
sex in a hospital.. check
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
