brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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