When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
