Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
