I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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