the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
