and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize