Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
