you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
