Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
