She's JV to your varsity
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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