you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
