I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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