I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
All I want is dick and wine.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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