why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
