how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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