how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
