I am midnight drunk by noon
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
