I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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