yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
