we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
